pizza

1. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one of them.

2. Never cancel dinner plans by text message.

3. Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.

4. If a street performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck.

5. Always use ‘we’ when referring to your home team or your government.

6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.

7. Don’t underestimate free throws in a game of ‘horse’.

8. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

9. Don’t dumb it down.

10. You only get one chance to notice a new haircut.

11. If you’re staying more than one night, unpack.

12. Never park in front of a bar.

13. Expect the seat in front of you to recline. Prepare accordingly.

14. Keep a picture of your first fish, first car, and first boy/girlfriend.

15. Hold your heroes to a high standard.

16. A suntan is earned, not bought.

17. Never lie to your doctor.

18. All guns are loaded.

19. Don’t mention sunburns. Believe me, they know.

20. The best way to show thanks is to wear it. Even if it’s only once.

21. Take a vacation of your cell phone, internet, and TV once a year.

22. Don’t fill up on bread, no matter how good.

23. A handshake beats an autograph.

24. Don’t linger in the doorway. In or out.

25. If you choose to go in drag, don’t sell yourself short.

26. If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature.

27. Never get your hair cut the day of a special event.

28. Be mindful of what comes between you and the Earth. Always buy good shoes, tires, and sheets.

29. Never eat lunch at your desk if you can avoid it.

30. When you’re with new friends, don’t just talk about old friends.

31. Eat lunch with the new kids.

32. When traveling, keep your wits about you.

33. It’s never too late for an apology.

34. Don’t pose with booze.

35. If you have the right of way, take it.

36. You don’t get to choose your own nickname.

37. When you marry someone, remember you marry their entire family.

38. Never push someone off a dock.

39. Under no circumstances should you ask a woman if she’s pregnant.

40. It’s not enough to be proud of your ancestry; live up to it.

41. Don’t make a scene.

42. When giving a thank you speech, short and sweet is best.

43. Know when to ignore the camera.

44. Never gloat.

45. Invest in good luggage.

46. Make time for your mom on your birthday. It’s her special day, too.

47. When opening presents, no one likes a good guesser.

48. Sympathy is a crutch, never fake a limp.

49. Give credit. Take blame.

50. Suck it up every now and again.

51. Never be the last one in the pool.

52. Don’t stare.

53. Address everyone that carries a firearm professionally.

54. Stand up to bullies. You’ll only have to do it once.

55. If you’ve made your point, stop talking.

56. Admit it when you’re wrong.

57. If you offer to help don’t quit until the job is done.

58. Look people in the eye when you thank them.

59. Thank the bus driver.

60. Never answer the phone at the dinner table.

61. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.

62. Know at least one good joke.

63. Don’t boo. Even the ref is somebody’s son.

64. Know how to cook one good meal.

65. Learn to drive a stick shift.

66. Be cool to younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime.

67. It’s okay to go to the movies by yourself.

68. Dance with your mother/father.

69. Don’t lose your cool. Especially at work.

70. Always thank the host.

71. If you don’t understand, ask before it’s too late.

72. Know the size of your boy/girlfriend’s clothes.

73. There is nothing wrong with a plain t-shirt.

74. Be a good listener. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk.

75. Keep your word.

76. In college, always sit in the front. You’ll stand out immediately.

77. Carry your mother’s bags. She carried you for nine months.

78. Be patient with airport security. They’re just doing their jobs.

79. Don’t be the talker in a movie.

80. The opposite sex likes people who shower.

81. You are what you do, not what you say.

82. Learn to change a tire.

83. Be kind. Everyone has a hard fight ahead of them.

84. An hour with grandparents is time well spent. Ask for advice when you need it.

85. Don’t litter.

86. If you have a sister, get to know her boyfriend. Your opinion is important.

87. You won’t always be the strongest or the fastest. But you can be the toughest.

88. Never call someone before 9am or after 9pm.

89. Buy the orange properties in Monopoly.

90. Make the little things count.

91. Always wear a bra at work.

92. There is a fine line between looking sultry and slutty. Find it.

93. You’re never too old to need your mom.

94. Ladies, if you make the decision to wear heels on the first date, commit to keeping them on and keeping your trap shut about how much your feet kill.

95. Know the words to your national anthem.

96. Your dance moves might not be the best, but I promise making a fool of yourself is more fun than sitting on the bench alone.

97. Smile at strangers.

98. Make goals.

99. Being old is not dictated by your bedtime.

100. If you have to fight, punch first and punch hard.

a high school teacher’s list of 100 wisest words (via live-la-bella-e-vita)
kitty-cat-angel
kitty-cat-angel:

testsubjectb:

hunter-doctor-sorcerer:

snotvanilla:

odins-one-eyed-fuck:

lovelyphantasmagoria:

setbabiesonfire:

swallowedwholeinnegatives:

What does this mean?

That, my friend, is exactly the question you have to ask.

YOU LEFT OUT THE MOTHERFUCKING CRYSTAL PYRAMIDS THEY FOUND ON THE FLOOR OF THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE

OLDER THAN THE AZTECS AND COMPLETELY SMOOTH AND 3 TIMES BIGGER THAN THE EGYPTIAN CHEOPS AND NO ONE KNOWS HOW IT GOT THERE.

IM SORRY BUT WHY IS THIS THE FIRST TIME IVE HEARD OF THE CRYSTAL PYRAMIDS WHAT IS THIS SHIT

OKAY HERE’S YOUR DEBRIEFING OF THE CRYSTAL PYRAMID BECAUSE THAT IS SOME CRAZY SHIT.
IN 2012 FRENCH AND AMERICAN SCIENTISTS STUDYING THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE STUMBLED UPON THIS HUGE TRANSLUCENT PYRAMID
THIS THING MEASURED 300 METERS WIDE AND 200 METERS TALL. THAT’S BIGGER THAN THE PYRAMIDS OF GIZA SO YOU COULD IMAGINE HOW CRAZY THIS WAS TO THE SCIENTISTS
NOW THIS IS ALL 2000 METERS UNDERWATER. THE SCIENTISTS THEN DISCOVERED TWO HOLES AT THE TOP OF THE PYRAMID THAT MOVE WATER THRU AT AN EXTREMELY FAST RATE. THIS CAUSES MASIVE SURGE WAVES AND MIST ON THE SURFACE. THAT MAY BE THE REASON FOR THE INCIDENTS WITH BOATS AND PLANES CRASHING THERE
THEY’RE SAYING THAT THIS PYRAMID COULD BE FROM THE TIME BEFORE THE BIBLE SAYS NOAH’S ARK HAPPENED
OR ALIENS
BUT WHATEVER IT IS THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE JUST GOT LIKE A BILLION TIMES CREEPIER

so basically what i’m hearing is that we have found Atlantis

It was aliens.

I’m just going to leave this here…http://www.snopes.com/photos/supernatural/crystalpyramid.asp

SOMEDAY I WILL SEE THIS FOR MYSELF

kitty-cat-angel:

testsubjectb:

hunter-doctor-sorcerer:

snotvanilla:

odins-one-eyed-fuck:

lovelyphantasmagoria:

setbabiesonfire:

swallowedwholeinnegatives:

What does this mean?

That, my friend, is exactly the question you have to ask.

YOU LEFT OUT THE MOTHERFUCKING CRYSTAL PYRAMIDS THEY FOUND ON THE FLOOR OF THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE

OLDER THAN THE AZTECS AND COMPLETELY SMOOTH AND 3 TIMES BIGGER THAN THE EGYPTIAN CHEOPS AND NO ONE KNOWS HOW IT GOT THERE.

IM SORRY BUT WHY IS THIS THE FIRST TIME IVE HEARD OF THE CRYSTAL PYRAMIDS WHAT IS THIS SHIT

OKAY HERE’S YOUR DEBRIEFING OF THE CRYSTAL PYRAMID BECAUSE THAT IS SOME CRAZY SHIT.

IN 2012 FRENCH AND AMERICAN SCIENTISTS STUDYING THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE STUMBLED UPON THIS HUGE TRANSLUCENT PYRAMID

THIS THING MEASURED 300 METERS WIDE AND 200 METERS TALL. THAT’S BIGGER THAN THE PYRAMIDS OF GIZA SO YOU COULD IMAGINE HOW CRAZY THIS WAS TO THE SCIENTISTS

NOW THIS IS ALL 2000 METERS UNDERWATER. THE SCIENTISTS THEN DISCOVERED TWO HOLES AT THE TOP OF THE PYRAMID THAT MOVE WATER THRU AT AN EXTREMELY FAST RATE. THIS CAUSES MASIVE SURGE WAVES AND MIST ON THE SURFACE. THAT MAY BE THE REASON FOR THE INCIDENTS WITH BOATS AND PLANES CRASHING THERE

THEY’RE SAYING THAT THIS PYRAMID COULD BE FROM THE TIME BEFORE THE BIBLE SAYS NOAH’S ARK HAPPENED

OR ALIENS

BUT WHATEVER IT IS THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE JUST GOT LIKE A BILLION TIMES CREEPIER

so basically what i’m hearing is that we have found Atlantis

It was aliens.

I’m just going to leave this here…
http://www.snopes.com/photos/supernatural/crystalpyramid.asp

SOMEDAY I WILL SEE THIS FOR MYSELF

pizza

electromoonbeam:

nextlevelgoogly:

poolfullofjello:

i-cant-believe-its-not-chicken:

i-cant-believe-its-not-chicken

Its decided my life goal is now to star in an infomercial 

How do white people survive?

Is she trying to clean up that wine with a copy of Sonic 2?

All about me

My favorite is the fact that she falls into a table made of glass.  You guys do realize that that shouLD KILL HER.

fake-mermaid

danfreakindavis:

if you had your first kiss at 13 that’s cool

if you’ve never kissed anyone and you’re 21 that’s cool too

don’t judge your life and your experiences based on the experiences of others because at the end of the day there are kids on broadway whose lives make yours look like shit no matter when you nerds get your first kiss

I actually kind of needed this lately so thank you.